So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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