um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
