Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
