i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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