two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
