Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
