theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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