I will die if light touches me.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
