Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
