then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
