that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
