ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
should my penis look like a turkey
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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