Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
BRING THE BAGELS
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
