so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
