Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
ttyl tear gas
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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