i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
wanna go halves on a baby?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
