i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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