You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
