i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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