So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
