hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
