Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
