i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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