I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
