i just had sex bonerless
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Vodka?
Forever.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
