Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
