I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
