Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
