I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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