i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
