We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
