I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
