This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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