The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
