I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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