he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
