I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
