At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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