What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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