You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
