My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
