someone get that fucking seahorse.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
