I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
