Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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