ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My underwear smells like fireworks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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