She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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