i jhust puked up my retainher.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
