I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
