If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
