OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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