I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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