a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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