whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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