I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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